Loving Babies

Rebirth . . .

2008-01-22T09:44:00.000-08:00

Here is my long awaited update! Sorry about the delay for all of you who are still faithful in checking in on me. God continues to stretch and mold me. I have been getting back into the routine that is my life. I'm happy to be home, though a part of my heart definitely stayed in Romania. Now for an update.
I have always disliked the silly notion stamped on plaques seen at every art fair. "Babies are God's reminder that the world should go on." Oh yeah? Who came up with that one? Ugh! Yet, when I finished this blog post, I hated that it really reminded me of the plaques. I really did fight it, but as you read the following, it may even start a shift in your thinking as it did mine. Don't get me wrong. I still think the plaques are goofy, but . . . Recently, a friend challenged me with a quote that I know spoke to me in a totally different way than it would have before the amazing experience of the children at Tutova clinic. Basically it says that all is worse than you think it is and you are freer than you think you are. Things are raging beyond your control. But now for the good news! They are already overcome in Christ. The division is an uncrossable spiritual chasm and yet, it has been crossed. Anyone who understands salvation and knows Christ, knows this. What we forget is that it also applies to our circumstances. We do know it, but we forget.
I feel as if I'm on the brink of a major shift or transformation. God speaks to me in the oddest ways and through amazing people who don't even know their being used by Him. As I cared for the beautiful children of Tutova, I became aware of what it must have been like for all of us, moments before birth. Darkness, pressure, and uncertainty. The children of Tutova were born into that darkness. Most of us who live in America are not.
I want to fight the darkness, pressure and uncertainty in my own life circumstances. I want to believe that my "labor" is not in vain. I want to believe that what God has "stretched and delivered" me into, will be seen and understood for my future, that there will be refinement "born" of the stretching. Is a breakdown of our emotions, spirit and life necessary to have a breakthrough?
I feel like there is finally an opening, a light shining through. I want to trust in right timing. I want to feel calm and safe. I want to understand God's amazing gift of rebirth in my life.
If nothing else in the world affirms this rebirth, children do. If anything shows us the simplicity and complexity of God, children do. If anything can be so innocent, yet inspiring, indignant, but unconditional, infuriating and engaging, it is a child.
Sooooo, conclusion? Children will be God's reminder to me, that His refining fire, my journey, my growth, my world should and will go on. (But, please don't buy me the plaque!)
Thanks for your love and support during the miles you walked with me on this journey. You will never know what your emails meant to me while I was in another world so far from all that I know to be familiar. I feel as if I'm leaving behind a good friend to end this way of communicating, but this will probably be my last "Romania post". Those of you who know me well, will know how to find more of "me"on my own personal blog. God's blessings to all of you, wherever, whoever you are. :)

Finally . . .

2008-01-08T14:12:00.000-08:00

I am home! I will be updating you all soon...keep reading!

With a throne . . .

2008-01-06T13:09:00.000-08:00

With a throne under you, anyone can be a queen!

This is in a palace in Iasa. (pronounced Yosh)

This is Lena, because she leans? We made friends while I was there. She was sorry to see me go, but I told her I just had to go take care of babies.

It's the hardest thing . . .

2008-01-06T08:39:00.000-08:00

Saying goodbye to these little ones is the hardest thing. I want to pack their sweet, cute, miniature faces (and all their other parts too!) into my suitcase and just run as fast as I can to where I can "fix" them and pack lot's of love into their little lives. I knew this would happen. It's no surprise. But the knowledge that they would fall into my heart doesn't make it any easier to leave them behind. If you look closely, and imagine their coo's, their smiles, and their way of "holding on" when you pick them up, I think maybe, just maybe, you'll begin to understand why it's the hardest thing.

What Nonny misses....sooooooo......

2008-01-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

This is Alexandru! This is Christmas! This is Alexandru's new toy. This is one of two toys that my very own babies, Will and Isaac bought for "Nonny" to take to the babies in Romania.

I am missing these little faces more than even I expected. Isaac and Will brought in the gifts, carefully wrapped by them, to our Christmas party. Then very carefully, and with a very helpful spirit, proceeded to unwrap them for me too. Two toys (this is one of them) were nestled inside the pretty paper. Isaac was just a little confused. He kept carrying the toys around asking, shrugging his little shoulders, "Nonny, where is your babies?" I think he wanted to give the toys to them personally. I tried to tell him they were in Romania waiting for Nonny to get there and give them their presents, but I don't think he knew where Romania was then, though I'm sure he does by now. I am expecting to see that they've grown tremendously in the few weeks I've been away. I hear that they've even begun talking in complete sentences. I want to hear them tell me they missed me even more than I missed them. Maybe you guys can have them start working on that complete sentence! I'm mostly afraid they won't remember me at all, and i'll have to start over reminding them how much fun I can be. I'm coming Will and Isaac! Soon! Be ready, please don't grow another inch "til I get home, and save all the cute stuff for me too...k?

Romania: in a word.....or 2 or 3.

2008-01-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

Chicken: Always.

The Music: One volume, LOUD, always playing. During Breakfast, on the bus, in the clinic, all day long, all night long.

Toilet Paper: Rarely soft, not in abundance.

Laundry: By hand, some washing machines, no dryers!

The Clinic Staff: Warmer each day, too busy, doing their best.

The Hospital, Clinic and Grounds: Very minimal equipment, 100 years old, desperately in need of repair, paint, carpet, (there is no pad under it and you can't get it here.) it needs so much. Like a donation to rebuild. They make do with so little.

Christmas: 12 days, just like the song says.

New Years Eve: 10 p.m. til 5 am. Not many work the next day. Lot's of music and dancing. Fireworks at the "piata" where everyone has their drink of choice. At midnight, they break all the bottles in the street. Firecrackers are a practical joke. They are thrown at your feet and put in your pocket so they can watch you freak out, which I did.

The People: Curious about us, friendly, love to speak and practice english with us.

The Houses: Small, again in need of repair. Humbling to see how others live in this country, comparatively, I live in Disney World.

The Motel: New, with leaky showers in every room.

Barlad: Where the hotel is. Poor, small, 75,000 people. Interesting street markets.

Tutova: Smaller, 50,000 people, poorer, where the clinic/hospital is.

Peanut Butter: NONE IN ALL OF ROMANIA!

Coffee: Put in the grounds, add water, boil, let sit for awhile to settle grounds, pour. Spoon should stand in coffee by itself. One sip, your good for the day. I'm not drinking any.

The Soup: Not bad considering you start with dishwater. It even has a potato or 2.

The Dogs: Everywhere! Loose, making more dogs.

Just a note....

2007-12-28T12:59:00.000-08:00

Tonite, just a note to tell you how much I appreciate you all reading about my adventure here in Romania. It is so much fun getting emails from those of you who have sent them. It makes me feel a little closer to home, and a little less homesick. A small group of us are going into the city of Iasa, (pronounced Yosh) for 2 days, so it will be a while before I'm able to blog again. It is a city rich in monastaries and museums, and of course history. I'm looking forward to a change in schedule and scenery.

The amazing....!!!

2007-12-27T11:14:00.000-08:00

This is the amazing team 110. This is the greatest baby lovin', diaper changin', diaper foldin', dish washin', floor sweepin', baby feedin', baby burpin', team ever at Tutova. (please note: I could be a little prejudice about this.) It has been wonderful getting to know these gracious, sweet, loving people. We have all seemed to come together so easily as a team. We sometimes sit at dinner for more than an hour afterwards and just talk. We are getting to know each others stories one at a time. A woman whose father was actually raised in an orphanage his whole life. Her incredible husband who took the time to impact each child in his care. A man and his daughter, who have an incredible faith and just simply want to share it. A young couple who have so much to offer that it sometimes brings me to tears to realize that kids in their mid twenties could be so unselfish. A man with a heart so tender, he can easily cry at just a simple smile from "his" baby, and a business owner, who takes time out of her busy schedule to take care of babies. A woman, who in her lifetime had 5 children and adopted 5 more, with a heart so generous I feel as I've known her my whole life. A young man, quiet and shy who has the gentlest touch. I am experiencing life changing memories with new lifelong friends. they really are the best team ever!

My very own superhero . . .

2007-12-26T14:34:00.000-08:00

Today is a very special day, and for some reason everything I'm doing here takes a back seat today. Today, my thoughts and my heart are all wrapped up in my very first hero. My daddy. If you don't know him, I'm sorry. Your life would be richer if you did. He is an amazing guide, mentor and friend. His jokes would make you laugh, but not because their all that funny. It is the smirk on his face, and the joy he gets from the telling of it that makes you laugh out loud.
He is always there to pay attention and listen to what I say. If I find myself in trouble, he always has a plan. He is the perfect father, And I'm his biggest fan!
Happy Birthday Daddy! It is so special to be a part of you. I want to be there today so badly. Let's celebrate when I get home.

Ahhhh...beauty

2007-12-25T13:19:00.001-08:00

This is Miruna. She is always way too quiet and complacent. We love it when she cries like a "real baby."

And this is Ionela.

(pronounced Yonella)

She is sugar and sugar with a little sugar added in for good measure. When she smiles, the world smiles back. No other baby will ever have her place in my heart.

This is me, fighting to remember that we are not asked to carry the whole burden, only to do what we can to make the burden lighter.

Some days there is just tooooo much red!!

2007-12-25T12:53:00.000-08:00

Amidst the chaos of the Christmas season . . . take this moment
to remember the many things that a child symbolizes, hope and peace and endless possibility. . . .
In a remote village in Romania, in a 10 by 10 room, gathered 29 small children, 13 volunteers, and 8-10 staff. All 29 children had been lovingly dressed in RED. The clothes had been donated, so were the toys, some new, some second hand, but all given in order to give these children a Christmas to remember. We decorated the tree while they were “sleeping.” Homemade Christmas cookies had been baked and decorated with donated cookie cutters! The children were wired for sound all morning because they just knew from a life of sameness that something wasn’t the same today! As they awoke from their naps one by one, it was bittersweet to see the reactions of some of the children as they saw a Christmas tree for the first time. Some were in awe; barely touching the ornaments and the branches of the tree, some were afraid of all the color and the “difference” they saw in the room that they had known all their lives only one way. All were over stimulated and overwhelmed by something, and so was I. It was as if I was above it all, yet watching every detail in order to remember the moments as they unfolded. I listened to Christmas songs being sung in Romanian and it reminded me just how far away my family and all that makes Christmas, Christmas really are, yet the songs were so beautiful in an unusual sort of way. I watched the children feast on the cookies and pick up chocolate chips as fast as their little fingers could maneuver and it made me laugh, yet I could not hold back tears as I saw the children light up when their names were called by Santa. “Silent Night” had new meaning as we all sang in unison….”mother and child.” What a rollercoaster! What a day! It was Christmas in its truest form, and it was good . . . but as you can see, it really was “just too much red!”

Daniel & Mihaela . . . Some of my favorites.

2007-12-24T11:05:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I'm loving these babies, I whisper in their tiny ears . . . "You are my favorite." They don't know that I say it to many of them, and most of the time their sleeping anyway. This is Daniel. (Don-e-el) He is very alert and beautiful. He is in isolation right now because he just arrived at Tutova. They have to be there for 2 weeks before they can be assimilated into the group. I think he thinks no one else lives in his very silent world. He is in a room all alone and doesn't even hear other babies cry. When I discovered him, he was already "conditioned" not to cry, and I decided he was going to get extra special attention. I wonder sometimes how often or how long a baby will cry before they realize no one is coming, and it gains nothing. These children have learned this brutal truth very early in their little lives and it breaks my heart. When the staff lays a toddler down at naptime and covers him with a blanket, he simply lies down and closes his eyes. The babies are all laid on their backs without blankets. We sometimes arrive after lunch to find one of more of them with a bottle propped and/or that they've spit up most of their bottle, and they are simply lying there waiting for someone to notice. Their little legs are tangled in the bed rails, while toddlers hum and rock in their beds. We realized after our "holiday" weekend, that there is diaper rash and under neck rash once again. We conquered that already last week, but it is back. We know, however, that the staff does the best they can do with the few hands they have. They truly do care, but there just isn't enough time in the day to wash and fold the double cloth diapers of 29 children. (29 children x 6 diaper changes is 174, and then you double it! 348 diapers every day!) There is hardly enough time to cook and prepare 5 meal/snacks a day, and all of the other tasks involved in simply taking care of the basic needs of all of them. The children are divided into three rooms, the mobile's, the non-mobiles, and the toddlers. When there are no volunteers, they are in their assigned rooms. As you can imagine, the toddler room is survival of the fittest, and the others are rooms where children are very good at self-soothing. I can't let myself think about that right now, I do need to sleep tonight to be ready for tomorrow. I posted some new pictures down below. Take a look.

The Duplicates!

2007-12-24T10:41:00.000-08:00

We have seven sets of multiples at the Tutova Clinic. One of those is a set of triplets, but only the two girl triplets are here. The parents chose to keep the boy. Here are two of the girl sets. The dark haired sweeties are Georgiana and Laura. The light haired beauties are Chezsarina and Sarina. They are adorable, alert, and so complacent. It is scarey to see how quiet these babies can be even while hungry and tired. These are just a few of the amazing babies I've had the oppurtunity to hug and kiss. Romania is good!

The Holiday!!! My journal for the group.

2007-12-23T14:30:00.000-08:00

Friday, Dec. 21, 2007

Friday was only a ½ day at the clinic to give us an early start to the weekend, and the many hours we would spend on the bus.
Tim was sick and missed by the kids and all of us. Some of us from other rooms worked a short shift in the toddler room, and now have a new and greater appreciation for those of you who survive it everyday.
As we have worked, it is fun to see some of the blankets, sleepers, slippers, feeders, books and other gifts brought by our group for the children of Tutova.
Friday also marks the day we officially renamed the groups. For group 110, they are no longer the non-mobile, mobile and toddler groups. They are, and always will be, the much loved sleepers, creepers and leapers.
After lunch at the hotel, we loaded baggage and travelers on the bus, though it didn’t seem quite right without our friends, Hugh and Merrily. We were introduced to our tour guide Florin, and we were on our way.
After a couple of hours, we stopped and had cappuccino and hot chocolate, though it all tasted like hot chocolate.
5 ½ hours later, we were finally in Brasov, a beautiful City. We saw an amazing Christmas light display in the streets, and many old and historic buildings. The Capital hotel was very nice. Funny note: All of the singles had double beds and all of the couples had twin beds.
We met for a nice dinner in an East European restaurant, very medieval in appearance, by the name of Butoiul sasului. (batoy sashlouie)
We woke up Saturday to blue skies and a very cold, clear day. We had another hotel breakfast with very good American like coffee. Florin guided a walking tour of the old part of the city, ending at the Black Church. We learned that the Black Church was built in the 1300’s, more than 100 years before America was even discovered. No photos were allowed inside the church, but we saw where bullets had hit pillars inside the church when the Communist party was overthrown in 1989.
Tim’s coat and gloves were of great interest to the Romanian men working Security at the Black Church.
There was a little time for shopping at the local Mall and Ron bought a much needed coat.
We stopped for lunch at Lupilore, otherwise known as “The Wolf Lodge.” No one will ever forget the huge meat platter that Jerry and Sha devoured as they made their way through what we called “Noah’s Ark.” We could have all eaten from it.
We visited Brann Castle boasting secret staircases and the mysteries of Dracula. Afterward, we shopped for awhile with some of the local vendors who set up shop to woo the unsuspecting Americans out of their money. They actually sold a brand of wine called “Dracula Wine.”
Before we left, we learned that some in our group could possibly be a menace to society, a hooligan as they say in Romania. Putting feet on the coffee table, and incorrectly stacking the teacups were the crimes.
Thankfully, the hostile housekeeping staff kept Deb and Angela on the straight and narrow for us and we didn’t have to bail them out of some obscure prison.
We left Transylvania to head for Sinai, (suniah) and arrived about 5:30 in time for dinner. Without a lot of debate, all but Sha decided on pizza for supper. She wanted more meat! Lamb, one of Noah’s best she had not yet tried. J
In the morning, we ate another nice breakfast, and left about 9:30 to see the Peles (Pellish) Castle. The Castle was very ornate and beautiful. We were amazed to learn that it took 39 years to build and by European standards, it is considered a young construction. There are no words of description worthy. Some of the ornamentation included multi-colored stained glass, artwork, beautiful marble, alabaster statues, beautiful gardens and fountains, detailed woodwork and artifacts of silver, gold, brass, copper, and countless inlaid floors, and walls. There was unbelievable attention to detail as far as the eye could see.
We headed off to ride the cable car, which climbed 1400 meters up the mountain. We ate lunch at the snow restaurant, right below the mountain.
There were many pictures taken, mostly of us eating, and eating and eating. We should have taken some of us painstakingly figuring out our bills at the end of each meal.
As we learn about each other and our different personalities, we have often remarked how well we all seem to get along and gel as a team. We have also coined some inside jokes and phrases. One we may never forget is the sad story of the man who wrote the Hokey Pokey.
On the ride home, I think we would all agree that there should be new rules about the way our driver got us home. Wow! In Romania, they don’t worry so much about the “bring ‘em back alive” motto. The “rule of honk” didn’t seem to work quite so well on the way back as it did on they way down. All in all, we marveled at the wonderful, relaxing weekend. We were glad to reconnect with Hugh and Marilee, who had an equally nice weekend in Iasa. (Yosh)
As we approach our second week, and also Christmas day, I think many of our hearts and minds are feeling a little torn. We are happy to be in Romania, but a part of us wants to be at home or with loved ones. Though we comprehend more than ever, the emptiness of the commercial Christmas we celebrate each year, we are also completely joyful, and so excited to make this a Christmas like none other for the little ones in our care. In America we are truly blessed, or in the words of Romanian royalty . . . “There is nothing we don’t got.”
As we settle in for the night, we note that often throughout the weekend, there was a feeling of something missing. There was something tugging at the back of our minds, something else we could have been doing. We, as a group speak of dreams with children crying . . . we hear a child call out “mama” in the shopping center . . . and in the blink of an eye, our hearts sprout wings and we are transported once more, to the Tutova clinic, where “our” children may be crying . . . and their voices are the ones calling out. We are anxious to be back.

Suzie

The delightful children....

2007-12-20T12:39:00.000-08:00

Last night we went to a restaurant to eat dinner to celebrate my birthday. They surprised me with flowers, (white easter like lilies) and a delicious meal with only a little chicken, some pork, and some sausage. One of my favorites here is the salad of cucumbers and tomatoes. Everyone comments on the juicy oranges and tomatoes they have here which evidently come from Greece or Italy. The also had icecream with a flare type candle in it that lasted almost a minute. It was so cool and so pretty, and a very sweet gesture. Today was a NORMAL day!! My eye is doing great. When it feels scratchy, I put in more drops.
The people on the team are really beginning to feel more and more comfortable with eachother and the children. Tonight, at dinner, they all told stories very enthusiastically as if they were talking about their own children. It is easy to love these kids. They are so complacent. Some of them are quiet and sleep alot because of neurological problems. Others just know that it does no good to cry. It makes no difference. They are put in their cribs when it is time and the door is closed. When it is time to eat, they will have a bottle (sticla) propped. As a result, alot of the babies have a sore rash in the creases of their necks. I am often brought back in my memory to the tender care and the focused attention and detail with which my kids and grandkids were fed, diapered, played with, and put to sleep in someone's arms each night, and feel sad that these young hearts will never know that. The best case scenario for these little ones is to go home, but they have been taken away or abandoned for a reason. The social workers make the decision and there is alot of misunderstanding between them and the parents. Many of them are incredibly poor. Many have too many children for them to feed. Some are negligent. Some parents have TB, so cannot have their children in the home. Some have problems with alcoholism. Foster care is the other option. These children do not go out of the clinic. Even the toddlers who are 3-5 years old still wear diapers, because it is easiest for the staff. It is a problem born from understaffing, it is not that they don't care. They do what they can.
But you have to wonder what is best for these tender hearts who have only known the clinic as home and the other children as their siblings. A ride in the car would be frightening for them. The lights of the city a nightmare. Strange faces, as loving as they may be, are still strangers. I comfort myself with the thought that this pain for them would be temporary compared to the permanence of the clinic. It's hard to believe sometimes that the small part you play in these children's lives for just a breath of time in their little lives actually makes a lasting impression. Again, my comfort is in knowing there will be others who follow, others who have the same heart as we, and the same desire to impact the life of a child, one gentle touch, one soft kiss, one warm cuddle at a time. We are beyond blessed!

Happy Birthday Suzie

2007-12-19T13:02:00.000-08:00

Does anyone remember it's my birthday today? Man, I would have loved to open my computer to birthday wishes from family and friends today.

I went to the eye doctor today and spent yet another day in my hotel room away from the children. I was able to be there for the morning feeding for about 2 hours. Tomorrow, I will be able to be there all day. I'm looking forward to it. The eye doctor took a look at my eye and told me what it needed most was to rest it with a patch on it. Keeping it closed keeps it from scraping on the scratched cornea. He prescribed 2 medications, one antibiotic, and another that is s'posed to knit the scratch together...whatever that means. This was all done with an interpretor, so hard to understand just exactly what it is I'm putting in my eye. But I think I'm going to live. I thought I would give you some descriptions of some of the things I'm experiencing while I'm here.

The eye Dr.: Very small examining room. about 6 x 6. It was so small that the 2 chairs could not face eachother. One sat sideways and the other faced the machine used to examine eyes. That was it. There was an outside office where the Dr. and his nurse both sat at the same desk, admitting patients. That room was about 10 x 10.

The dogs: They are everywhere. Evidently when this country was under communist rule, the communists did not like the villages. They wanted all of the people to be in the city in apartments. They would torch entire villages and force the people out of their homes and into the city. They were not allowed to take their dogs with them Some of them took them anyway, but they were not allowed inside, therefore, they multiplied and multiplied and multiplied. A common night here is to be woken 6 or 7 times with many dogs barking and fighting right outside your window. Sometimes you just want to throw a hand grenade. It's a hard place to like dogs.

The people: very happy to accomodate us, but they can tell we are Americans. They are polite and try very hard to communicate with us on some level. Like anyplace, there is a minority group here that is not looked on favorably. The dreaded Gypsies. They are shunned because they will not phase into society. They say it is their tradition to beg instead of work. They do not educate their children, except to beg. The children are taught from a very young age to beg and bring home money. It is organized crime. They have 14-16 children and put them on the streets. When we were on the train they would get on at one village stop and ride, sing for every carload of people and then hold out their hands for money, and then get off at the next stop. Interesting to watch the Romanian people absolutely ignore them. We have been advised that we can give the children food if we want to, but never money.

Health care is free in Romania, but 14% of their wages are taken to pay for it. You can see why some of them are not happy with the gypsies. Both Romanians and the Gypsies also recieve free education. The gypsies do not take advantage of that either. They continue to live the life they are used to. I've been told there are 2 million gypsies in Romania.

The 2 cities we travel between are Barlad, where the hotel is, and Tutova, where the clinic/hospital is. Barlad has a population of 75,000. and Tutova has 50,000. All of the buildings are incredibly old, and the new ones are very cheaply built. Our hotel is fairly new, but we all have leaky showers and very hot rooms. We turn the heat completely off and open a window with snow on the ground, and it is still warm. One cool thing is that they have heated towel racks in each of our bathrooms so it's easier than I thought it would be to dry clothes. They dry very quickly.

I have still had only chicken, except one meal of pork. Breakfast is granola, milk, a cold egg, or small cold omelette, or a hard boiled egg. There is usually a bananna or orange too. Lunch is chicken. Dinner usually has a salad of cucumbers and tomatoes, vinegar and oil,with chicken. We are drinking bottled water. All in all, it has been very interesting learning the culture here. I will write another blog about the children, and I do have some pictures to post. I just have to figure out how. Love to you all. Please write.

Good News...bad news

2007-12-18T11:27:00.000-08:00

The good news is . . . my blogs are now up to date! The times that the blog is posted can sometimes be messed up but otherwise they are appearing as I write now. Now, the bad news? ? ? ?
Today was a bit of a disappointment for me. Last night while showering and getting ready for our 6:30 dinner, I poked my eye with my mascara brush. Evidently, it is no minor scratch. I have done this a million times before, and by morning I don't even remember it. Today though, I woke up with my eye swollen and hurting like I have a huge something in there. I also woke up about 6 am with Romanian Revenge! It was not fun or pretty, and I will NOT go into details. Suffice it to say, I was pretty miserable the rest of the morning and into the day. I ended up staying behind in the hotel. I slept alot and feel much better. I even ate a little dinner tonite. Unfortunately, my eye is no better, seems worse. As I type this it is tearing and so sore. I have been remembering the pain from more than 25 years ago when I had an eye injury (a poke in the eye from andrea when she was 15 months old. We were playing peek-a-boo) that lasted over a month and ended in a hospital stay for 7 days before healing. I remember thinking then, that I would rather go through childbirth than deal with this pain, and I had just delivered Eric! So, as a result, I am feeling a little fearful that this isn't going to heal on it's own, and also wondering if a Romanian eye doctor in a remote village is who I want diagnosing and caring for one of the two eyes I have. I am going tomorrow to Barlad to the eye doctor. I will update when I know something. On a happier note, I am feeling more and more attached to our team members. They are all incredible, giving, sweet people, with such a love for the children. My intention really is to post some pictures soon, but it's been a whirlwind of activity. Hopefully, I will be able to be at the clinic tomorrow, at least for some of the day. Keep praying, keep reading. It means so much to know you are.

My First Day at Tutova Clinic

2007-12-17T12:46:00.000-08:00

Our day began with breakfast, journal reading and Mihaela’s thought provoking message, challenging us to make a difference in the life of just one child. We arrived at the hospital and after making our way down an icy path, We had our first glimpse of the 29 children. Outstretched arms, beautiful eyes, and adorable smiles reached out to us and I could not wait to begin. The love of the staff and the children’s obvious affection for them was very evident and it warmed our hearts. What a wonderful time getting to know each of the children. All around and in each room you could hear lullabies and baby talk, and see each team member “making a difference” each in their own individual way.
As the babies were changed and napping, we broke for lunch prepared by hospital staff. We had the distinct honor of meeting Dr. Dehlia (17 years in Tutova) as she conducted a short tour of the small 100 year old hospital. Two beds, one wheelchair, a birthing table an oxygen line, ekg machine, ultrasound and an ancient broken defibrillator made up the ER. Nothing like we are used to. We were deeply impressed by Dr. Dehlia’s sacrificial spirit and servant’s heart. As we finished our first day caring for the children, (four o’clock), it tugged at our hearts to know that the babies would spend the rest of the day and night in bed. Before dinner some of the lost luggage arrived! The concerned questions at dinner made it completely evident that we had already fallen in love. That Monday morning our hearts were gently nudged to make a difference in the life of one. By evening, we were experiencing a common phenomenon. While trying to make a difference in their little lives, we experienced a greater impact in our own.
(This was my journal entry in the team journal. It was my turn. The children are sooo content and we have not seen many of them cry. Tutova is a very small, poor town. I have never seen anything like it. Barlad is where the hotel is. It is clean but very simple. The shower leaks every time I shower. Across the street is a small convenience store. I have had chicken in some form for lunch and supper every single day. Sliced tomatoes are the only vegetable or salad served. Tomorrow, more about the children.

Ok! I made it!

2007-12-17T12:34:00.000-08:00

After spending 11 hours in the London Airport I am finally here and exhausted beyond belief. This is no surprise, the airline lost some of the luggage! It's amazing to me that they really don't care that your life is in that suitcase, at least your life for the next 3 plus weeks. So, they will deliver it to Barlad, they say. I figured out that I traveled for 36 hours and had 5 hours of sleep.I spent the night in Bucharest at the "Stil" hotel. I have no idea where it was or what it means. All I know is that when I said it to the taxi company, they knew what I was talking about! I almost cried! God has put people in every situation to help me. On the 5 hour train ride from Bucharest to Barlad, I met a man who was Romanian, but spoke perfect English because he traveled to the States often for his job. I learned alot about the culture and the people from him. When I got to the train station, Mihaela was there to greet me. What a relief. I had called her cellphone for plan B from my computer phone from the London Airport which was not as easy of a task as it may sound. I met my team members at dinner that night, and they welcomed me with open arms. I was never soooo glad to see strangers in my life. Tomorrow, the clinic, and the babies. Finally!

International Flights....WOW

2007-12-15T06:04:00.000-08:00

Wow . . . what an adventure! My flight was delayed in New York because the flight attendants hadn’t gotten in from another delayed flight, which caused me to miss my connection in London. They only allow one carry- on piece of luggage in London, so I had to go back to where they check you in and check another bag, then back through security . . . whew! I wouldn't have made it even if I had not been delayed. You walk for miles and every destination sends you to another. They fail to tell you how far it is, so you walk, and walk and walk! Wouldn’t you think they would tell you only one carry-on in New York? Gotta love airports! The London Airport (Heathrow) was so busy with lines of 50-60 people at all times. So even with all the problems with luggage and delays, it makes me very thankful to be an American. My fear was that I would have to leave some of the countless baby clothes, blankets, toys, diapers, baby wipes and Cleft Palate feeders I was able to accumulate before I left. I ended up with a duffel bag (50 lbs) of useful items. I’ll let you know what happens! So, instead of being on the 9:45 am flight, the only other flight out of here is at 6:40 pm, which is 11:40 pm to you. Needless to say, there was no sleeping on the 6 hour flight from JFK to London. Can you say Jet lag? I am trying to stay awake today so that when I get to Bucharest, I will sleep during the night. I am doing ok and can’t wait to get there. Thanks to all of you who are emailing. (Suzie11111@aol.com) I love getting your emails. Keep me posted on anything I need to know, don’t wait ‘til I get home!! Realize these posts could also have wierd times and dates on them. I am writing offline and when I get access, I post them quickly. More soon.

The Depth of His Love, Merry Christmas

2007-12-11T06:53:00.000-08:00

To all the friends and family who are reading and keeping track of me during this dual journey I am on right now, you are loved and appreciated in a huge way.
This is my Christmas gift to you, a song that has come to mean so much to me recently. I am understanding for the first time in my life, the depth of God's love for me. Why did I wait so long to know this? I guess that's all part of the journey.
Tomorrow when I leave for Romania, I will begin to understand even more. I am excited about the possibilities! Discover and understand with me! It will become your most precious gift this holiday season. Merry Christmas to all of you!

That’s How Much I Love YOU
Kathy Troccoli

I died for you, I’d do it all again if I had to
To show you what you really mean to me
I cried for you, I hung on the cross so you wouldn’t have to
I made a way to set your spirit free

That’s how much I love you
That’s how much I want you
I gave up my whole life that you might live
That’s how much I love you
That’s how much I want you to see
That you are my child and you mean so much to me

I gave you stars, the sun, the moon, yes I went that far!
So no matter where you go (even Romania!)you think of me
The mountains fair, the beautiful oceans of air to remind you
That I can satisfy your every need

You are my child and you mean so much to me

Anticipating . . .

2007-12-09T10:36:00.000-08:00

First of all, the lasagna was amazing, if I do say so myself. :) The best part of the meal was having the kids in my space. I miss having a table to seat them around and a place for them to "be". Someday . . . soon I hope.
As the day quickly approaches for me to leave, I am having mixed emotions. I know that my time in Romania has the potential to truly impact me from the inside out. I look forward to the complete change in focus and to being shaken and awakened by Christ while I am in this vulnerable time away. While I have huge excitement to go, it does not come without some nostalgia in being gone for the holidays, away from my kids and family.
Christmas has always been "my holiday", and all the trappings that go along with it was something I embraced and owned with such joy. The shopping for way too extravagant gifts, the traditional food and schedule of events, the decorations, all of it. I know for certain that God has given me the gift of generosity, and that alot of joy is realized in this mom's heart in giving to her kids. Soooo......Tuesday evening is ours! We will celebrate the wonder of Christmas in a different but wonderful way. We will share and love and laugh and appreciate and ooh and ahh......the same way we always do. But I think we will also understand like never before that it is not about how big the tree is, or where the decorations hang, or how big the table is that we sit around. I feel contentment and peace in knowing that we will acknowledge and celebrate the birthday of the one and only King, and Christmas will be Christmas no matter what, no matter where, forever and always.
I love you kids . . . Can't wait for Tuesday.

Info from a recent former volunteer

2007-12-05T20:48:00.000-08:00

Hi Suzie,
Sorry I didn't write sooner. I've been trying to coordinate several things here and time flies! It's great that you are going to Romania, especially during the Christmas season. There's no better way to spend Christmas than to give of yourselves and take part in the celebrations of another culture.
I had a wonderful time in Romania. The team leaders were great. They were organized, supportive, and attentive. They care deeply about the kids at the clinic and are devoted to the program at Global volunteers. And don't underestimate your work there; I saw firsthand how the clinic needs the volunteers to help with the children.
I went on a Saturday and saw for myself how the kids were not taken out of the cribs. The aides just don't have enough time. I sat in a room with 12 babies and toddlers surrounding me that day. I felt badly that I had to leave the others in their cribs. Amazingly, none of the kids in my room cried that day. It must have been the peaceful music I had on at the time!!
If you forget any toiletry supplies or misc items there's a Plus store across the street from the hotel. It's similar to an Aldi's if you are familiar with that store. I frequently bought bananas and yogurt for the kids there.
I don't know if you've read any guidebooks about Romania, but I can tell you that what they say about the dogs is true. There are about 100,000 stray dogs roaming around Romania, and they do bark at night. Barlad has several and some may even become familiar to you. Our team (106) had a bunch of animal lovers so they took turns feeding some of the strays. My second team (107) was not quite so fond of the dogs. Just be careful. None of the dogs have had vaccines. The clinic has a couple strays too, but these dogs are terrific. They are great with the kids.
One impression I will never forget is the lasting impact communism has had on Romania. I sensed it in the buildings, the colors, or lack of, the clothing, and the older generation. I saw a renewed energy in the younger generation. Although people don't smile like the Americans do, they are warmhearted, caring, and polite. I never felt in any danger at all in Barlad, and I strolled around by myself for one week during the time I was there. (The rest of my team had departed.) I never went out at night by myself, of course, unless it was to the Plus store.
Just so you know, there are three internet cafes we frequented in Barlad. One you will pass on the way back to the hotel and the other two are about 15 minutes from the hotel in town. Cafe, by the way, has nothing to do with coffee or drinks. It's just a building with computers and it costs 50 Romanian cents for 1/2 hour and 1.50 lei for an hour. Because I didn't own a laptop, I was a regular customer.
If you have any specific questions don't hesitate to ask. I will return the reply quickly, I promise! I don't know if Greg told you, but when I mentioned being part of two teams, it's because I chose to stay a month instead of the regular one, two or three weeks. I'm really glad I did.
Have a wonderful trip and let me know how it goes!
Wendy

Tomorrow . . .

2007-12-01T19:53:00.000-08:00

I am so excited! Tomorrow, Sunday at 1:00, my own babies (who are no longer babies) will be at my place for dinner. Chicken Lasagna, wedge salad, and peanut butter something for dessert is on the menu. But mostly it is time, laughter, sharing, and BEING with them. I can't wait. It is my most favorite time, my life. They have no idea how much I crave THEM for dinner and not the food at all, it's THEM. Going to bed now, with sweet dreams. I will report on the lasagna later, but it smells amazing! :)

Ever feel it like I do?

2007-12-01T19:08:00.001-08:00

Ever feel like things are tocking when their supposed to tick and NOTHING is in order? My ducks are not in a row. Those who claim to be "constants" in my life, aren't. Events that need to unfold in some sort of order . . .won't, and emotions that are supposed to be managable . . .can't be. Hope all of this and that and those and yours are cooperating with you . . .better than mine are cooperating with me. Know of an all inclusive resort anywhere nearby?? Wanna go?

Matchless

2007-11-30T13:52:00.000-08:00

I want to love with a Jesus heart,
sweetly, without condition . . .
fully accepting, without question.
To see with Jesus eyes,
always expecting . . .
expecting joy, expecting the best.
To own a Jesus smile,
consistent, constant . . .
even in the face of adversity.
To be helpful like Jesus,
sweet natured, and ready . . .
no matter the task.
To be loyal like Him,
friendship at its best . . .
undying, unselfish, never wavering.
To live a life like Him,
vulnerable . . .
with the word uncomplicated indelibly stamped on the backs of my eyelids.
I want to be just like Him, but truth be told, I know I can't, I can only continue reaching, striving.
He is unique, exceptional, distinctive, holy, and oh so loving.
He is matchless!
He is Jesus!

For those of you who are asking . . .

2007-11-19T10:51:00.000-08:00

Global Volunteers
375 E. Little Canada Rd.
St. Paul, Minnesota
55117
Memo: Sue Wagenmaker/Romania
Attention: Greg Copley

You will recieve a letter at the end of the calendar year stating any donations for tax purposes.

Overwhelmed by the underwhelmed

2007-11-17T12:28:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I recieved a list of acceptable donations from the office of Global Volunteers. I went shopping! It was all I could do to leave things on the shelves. With Christmas happening during the time I am in Barlad, I find myself wanting to know the names of the babies. I want to know there will be a gift for each of them with their names on it, but I don't want 50 dolls or tubes of A&D ointment, thus I am attempting to coordinate the gift giving with the other 12 on my team. I am bringing only 3 changes of clothes (lightweight, easy to wash in a sink and drip dry) in order to fill the rest of my allowed suitcases with things for the babies. I ended up buying 3 soft dolls and one zip up fleece vest like you find at Old Navy. I controlled myself pretty well. The dollar store and Rescued Treasures helped to keep the cost down. I've started a pile on my extra bed and can't wait to watch it grow.
On another note, I want everyone to be as excited as I am about this. It's so frustrating to me to tell someone about this and you can tell they don't even connect with what your saying. When their eyes glaze over and they quit making eye contact you know you've lost them. I also know that I get a little over excited by things like this. I wish you could see the list of needs. You'd be amazed at what we take for granted. Can you imagine wanting desperately for oatmeal or medicine, or a book on fetal development? Can you imagine only being able to feed your baby one bottle of milk and rice in a day? Ok....overwhelmed. More soon.

Paying It Forward

2007-11-14T08:51:00.000-08:00

'We can do no great things--we can only do small things with great love.' Mother Theresa

If you are reading this you know me well. You know my past and present. You know I do not have all the answers or solutions to my own daily challenges. But you also know of my desire to give of my time, talents and resources. You may also know I have been in a time in my life where those things have been “on hold”.

Recently, God has been challenging me to take the focus off of myself and the “stuff” in my life to one of giving and ministering in a tangible way. This has all been part of a process that I believe He is taking me through one breath, one moment, one day at a time. It has been quite a journey, and very emotional.
I want to tell you about the incredible opportunity that is in front of me. I have been accepted by Global Volunteers, www.globalvolunteers.org, to travel as part of a team to the Tutova Clinic in Barland Romania (4 hours by train from Bucharest). The Clinic is for infants and toddlers whose parents have abandoned them because of health or economic problems. Because the clinic is understaffed, most of the children spend their days alone in their cribs. My “job” will be to love, feed and cuddle infants between the ages of 0-2 years. No letter can explain it fully. Go to the website and read. It will move you to tears, and make you want to DO something for these sweet babies.
If you could look into my past, my childhood, you would see a little girl who never knew what it was to truly “want” for anything. I grew up in a large rambunctious family full of spontaneous hilarious love. We were not rich in a monetary way, but we were deliberate in showing affection to one another and oh so blessed. My parents were and are amazing, loving parents. I always knew without a doubt that I was loved and had a safe place to fall. Most recently, I have taken advantage of that unconditional, sweet love more than ever before in my life and I can’t imagine not knowing or understanding the love of a mom and dad. I want all children to experience that kind of love and I know that is God’s plan for children too. We just mess it up a lot.
YOU know this opportunity absolutely screams my name. I am so excited I can hardly stand the waiting. I want to be knee deep in babies who need to be loved right now, today! Please pray! I will be gone for 3-4 weeks living in a former iron curtain country. I know I will not want to come home, at least not without a suitcase packed full of babies. (Pray about that too!) I will update often now and throughout as I have internet access. As you know this does not come without a price tag attached. ($3600.00) I will take out a loan if need be, but if you want to be involved in this way, just ask. If you want to hear more about it, give me a call. I would welcome it. (231) 206 3679.